Learning Geography
by Lapis Lazuli Ichigo
Summary: "War is the universe's way of teaching American's geography." Buying into this, the other nations start thinking America is planning another war. Let the chaos begin. Rated T for cursing.
1. Prologue: In Which Madness Begins

Based on the following Hetalia Kink Meme Request;

_But while Americans aren't as dumb as the world seems to think (we just have exceptionally loud idiots), geography really isn't at the forefront of many Americans' attention. I personally think this is due to a big country mindset that figures: "Hey, different state. All these weirdoes speak funny here, too. I'll make fun of them back home. Still, it's the same awesome country. And they're also Americans, therefore also awesome."_

_Point being, there's the old joke that "War is the universe's way of teaching American's geography."_

_I want the other nations to find America, who has been stressed and busy these last couple of months, carefully looking over maps and brochures that are NOT of the United States. Buying into this stereotype, the other nations start thinking America is planning another war. The panic gets worse when America starts asking them about their capitals, famous sites, cultural festivals, what the weather is like at a certain time of year, etc._

_There can be urgent world meetings, unlikely partners coming together, backstabbing, raising of alarms, sexual favors, whatever you'd like. Just have everyone panicking and trying to make sure America isn't looking too closely at them._

_The real reason America's doing all this: he's been allowed to go on vacation and his boss (Obama) wants him to pick up some culture while abroad. America's intentions are perfectly innocent. It's just the others don't see it that way. Whether America is aware of this or not is left to be seen..._

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Please Read: As always terrible grammar, and writing and rated for English's (and possibly Romano's mouth). You have been warned.

XXxxxxXX

_**Prologue:**_

_**In Which Madness Begins**_

XXxxxxXX

It was late Monday morning when Alfred F. Jones, personification of the United States of America finally managed to drag himself out of bed. His steps were sluggish as he entered the White House ID out and present as he moved past the guards.

Aching and sneezing up a storm, Alfred had been ill for three years—since the 2009 Recession had started, and although he was much better now than he had been, he was not one hundred percent better.

"AH-CHOO!" He sneezed barely managing to cover his nose with a tissue. The door in front of him though wasn't so lucky.

Obama signed watching Alfred try and enter the Oval Office slightly. (The guard jumped at the unexpected sound.)

His nation really was quite sick.

A sudden thought hit him.

"Alfred?"

"Yes, boss?" (Though his words sounded more like "Y's Bus?", he said as he blew his nose.)

"Alfred, why don't you take a vacation?"

Alfred looked at him. "A vacation? Now? But what about the recession? And those bills? I know the Republicans weren't too happy with me after the last session, but it was an accident—!" By this point Alfred was nearly frantic. He knew was needed here, not somewhere else. He couldn't just leave—

Barack shook his head. "This isn't about the last session or the Republicans. You need a break. You've been working eighty hour weeks for the last _two years_. Enough is enough. The economy is improving, so please take a vacation."

"But—" Alfred started already to argue, but look in his boss's eyes stopped him. "Fine. But I'll be back Monday—"

"In December."

Alfred gaped at him. December was eight months away! Was his boss crazy?

"Next week."

"In December." Obama pressed, crossing his arms.

Alfred relented knowing how stubborn his boss could be. "Alright. But if anything happens—"

"I'll let you know. Just take your cell, and I'll keep you updated."

Alfred smiled. "Good. Well, I guess I see you later?"

Obama nodded, and waved him out. "Have fun!"

Alfred grinned. "I try." He walked out discarding his used tissue in the trash can in the hallway, and passed the guards waving as he left.

It was going to be long eight months before he saw his capital again.

XXxxxxXX

**Author's Note**: Rather choppy, but I hope it'll do. Right now I'm trying to write the next chapter of 'Secret About America' but I can't seem to find the file. Stupid jump drives, always getting lost. So pretty please reader, don't kill me for starting another story! I'll update the others too, I promise!

Please _**Read**_ and _**Review**_—

Alfred must plan world domination (a.k.a vacation planning)!


	2. Chapter 1: In Which A List is Made

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Please Read: As always terrible grammar, and writing and rated for English's (and possibly Romano's mouth). You have been warned.

Summary: In previous Chapter

Warnings: My grammar, American Awesomeness (from Alfred), secret meetings paranoia, and cursing you have been warned.

**XXxxxxXX**

_**Chapter One:**_

_**In Which A List is Made (And Discovered)**_

**XXxxxxXX**

As Alfred returned to his house later that same morning, he was a little surprised to realize that he didn't really know much about the rest of world, bar what he heard from the others in conversation here and there. Even when he went to other countries for diplomatic meetings all he ever did was stay in his hotel room playing video games, and chatting online with his boss's family about his day. He never actually went out, knowing full well how likely he'd be to roped into some drunken party down at the local bar, or end up getting molested by a touchy Francis. He learned his lesson the first time, he didn't need a repeat.

And then there was work… a frown crossed his face as his thoughts went back to that familiar route. If only he boss wasn't so stubborn about him taking a vacation, he'd be able to convince Congress to finally pass that passport bill the European Union kept bitching at him about—

And then it hit him.

Perhaps he could do both—take a vacation and soak up some culture!

A smile lit his face.

He needed to do some planning.

Alfred grabbed some sheets of paper, a pen, and his motorcycle keys as he locked his house door.

**XXxxxxXX**

It wasn't unusual that Matthew decided to visit his brother. Often, his sibling would be bursting through his door at all hours of the day, dragging him off to some event or other, but recently Matt started to notice a sharp change in his twin.

No longer did his brother have any free time, and more often than not, Alfred was always busy. Busy with meetings, busy with bills, busy with laws—it made sense after all, it was recession, and he did have a significant part of blame for the problem, but that reason seemed less and less likely the more time passed. After all, there were only so many things a nation could do in their government. Well, beside filing papers, and getting coffee, nations weren't really all that important in the government. Most were used for little else other than historical advice, and whether some new bill was working. So Alfred's sudden absence was very strange. [1]

Matthew frowned. 'So, logically Alfred should still have free time…and yet, he wasn't pestering me, so what was Alfred doing?' Matt didn't know.

And frankly, it made no sense.

He blinked as he spotted a familiar head of hair at a nearby café. A small but popular café, with bright greenery, and dozens of people sitting around tables chatting. His brother was the only one without a dining companion, instead using all the space his table provided for various sheets of paper. While next to him a computer sat, open and on, as Alfred clicked away, probably typing up some work or something. Matt sighed.

'Paperwork?' He thought. 'Why would he have paperwork?' Nations weren't responsible for actual policies or budget reports—that was the human's job. Hell, even nations that were as uptight as Ludwig weren't allowed to even touch the official documents. Their bosses would have a fit if any of them did so.

So then, why?

'Whatever.' Matt pushed those thoughts to the side, figuring they were something else, and called out to his brother.

Alfred didn't even turn; apparently he didn't hear him either. Matt frowned, as one of the few people who actually could hear him; Alfred should have heard him yell…

"Alfred!" He yelled again, now only twenty feet away now. He moved forward crossing the street, ready to call out again when he noticed his brother's strange posture. Alfred was talking on the phone.

'Oh, no wondering he didn't hear me…' Matt thought, step-siding all the other tables set outside on the café patio. He moved aside some chairs, quickly trying to make his way though. Excusing himself when he accidently brushed passed a couple (who didn't even notice him), until finally he was directly behind his brother. He reached out—

"Are you sure this is the best way to enter Russia?" His brother's voice asked cutting though the back ground noise. [2]

Matt stopped dead in his tracks.

'The best way to enter Russia, why would he…?' Matt wondered his thoughts cutting off, as Alfred spoke again.

"Really, so I wouldn't need to worry about Ivan getting wind of me coming?" Alfred asked, and wrote something on a page.

A shiver went down Matt's back.

'Alfred couldn't be possibly…be planning to invade Russia?' Matt moved back, eyes wide. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He knew his brother and Ivan weren't on the best of terms, but to actually invade—what was Alfred thinking? Wasn't he just making steps to renew their friendship?

Matt pulled on his hair, as the pieces started coming together.

Unless… it was all a ploy! And none of it was real?

'Yes, that's what it is…' Matt thought. 'But…I have to do something!'

He inched side quickly throwing himself into a table behind Alfred to listen closer. He had to. He wasn't going to let Alfred do something stupid—

"Good. Thanks." Alfred said ended the call, and writing again. He quickly gathered up his papers, and throwing some money on the table ran off, barely missing the happily look the waitress had as she gathered up the one hundred dollar bills [3].

And yet, Matt was still in his seat shaking. He didn't trust himself to stand up, and instead took a small address book from one of the inside pockets of his coat. Quickly jotting down everything he could remember from his brother's phone conversation—

"Excuse me?" A gentle voice said interrupting his writing.

Matthew looked up into the kind eyes of an elderly woman. "Yes?" He asked a little more apprehensive than he would have liked.

"I think you dropped this, dear." She handed him a single sheet of paper with some scribbles on it. It was incredibly crinkled, with food crumbs on it. While at the top there was rip cutting through one of word in large print.

"I'm sor—" Matthew started to say, until he caught some of the words on it. "On second thought, thank you so much." Matt said smiling timidly.

She smiled at him and walked away, never knowing what exactly she was encouraging.

While a few steps away Matt went white as he read the page.

_-ion List [4]_

_1. Russia, Ivan (better get the commie out of the way)_

_2 .Finland/Sweden, Tino and Berwald (I finally remember where he and Sweden live)_

_3. Estonia, Eduard (been awhile since the USSR Ivan probably won't mind)_

The rest of the list was unreadable, no matter how much Matt tried to decipher it, eventually, he just folded it up and placed it in his address book, standing up.

He had some calls to make.

**XXxxxxXX**

**[1] **Matthew is obvious to things concerning his brother. In canon, he yells at Alfred for three hours straight before he even realizes he made Alfred cry, so him barely noticing Alfred isn't visiting him for months in a roll doesn't seem all that unusual in my head canon, as Matt's likely to first take his brother's absent as a good thing before he actually starts getting worried.

**[2] **It was only after I was re-reading this for editing that I noticed this line can be taken in a very wrong way…please ignore that. Alfred hates Ivan. **There are NO pairings in this fanfic**.

**[3] **Not a mistake, a clue that will make sense later to why Alfred doing some of the things a certain way. Have fun guessing.

**[4] **The part that was ripped off was the 'vaca' part in vacation. Matthew seeing 'invasion' signs in coincidental things… poor, poor Mattie…

**Author's Note**: Probably not as long as any of you were hope, and for that I sorry! Though, I can't help but think this chapter is very bad. For some reason, the words wouldn't flow. Stupid writer's block! I'm trying to update everything as fast as possible, and as diligently as I can before I'm buried under my studying. Though on a happier note three things have made me very happy.

First, 'Realizations' reached fifty reviews! Yay! Second, 'Secrets from America' has reach one hundred reviews! And three, I can now announce fan art!

Now for 'Realizations' check out the fan art

(Done By alittleriddlewriter) http: /alittlerid . com/#/d4xhib6

(Just remove spaces)

Anyhow, Please **Read** and **Review**!


	3. Chapter 3 In Which Stress Bad or Packing

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summary: Counter planning, packing some aliens advice, and a new list.

Warnings: Cursing, possibly incorrect descriptions of famous landmarks and/or foreign places (anywhere outside the USA), American awesomeness, confusion, reasons to learn history and my grammar you have been warned.

_**XXxxxxXX**_

_**Chapter Two:**_

_**In Which is Stress Bad and Alfred Gets Ready**_

_**XXxxxxXX**_

In a normal everyday situation, Matthew Williams was a very reliable person capable of doing anything he put his mind to. He was the type of person to plan out a party down to the last spoon placement, and then wonder if perhaps the spoon in question was straight. He was also the type of person who had a panic room.

Paranoia was a trait the Canadian (unwittingly) shared with his more infamous sibling, and because of this, tried to plan for every possible situation.

Except…he had never thought he'd be planning a counter plan against an invasion against his own brother…

He hugged Kumajirou closer, trying to keep the nervousness at bay.

While, his bear companion casually plotted the demise of a stack of pancakes oozing maple syrup.

XXxxxxXX

Returning back to his sunny-side home, Alfred starting gathering up supplies. Finding his passport buried under some video games, he took a small container of white out from a nearby table and marked out the 'F', knowing full well that going into any country with his human name was just asking for trouble. Last time, he attempted to take a holiday in Italy; he spent all of his vacation trying to convince Lovino and Feliciano, as well as Antonio and Ludwig that he wasn't going to invade them.

Honesty, those Europeans were too uptight…

Unearthing his travel cases from his closet, and throwing the clothes in them into the hamper, Alfred re-packed the bags insuring a few changes of clothes, some video games, a few travel guides, and one (Alfred shivered) complete map of the world. [1]

'Where are you going?' A voice said cutting through his thoughts.

Alfred blinked spinning around.

Standing a few feet from him was Tony eating a slice of pizza.

"On vacation, Barack wants me to get some down time."

'Where?'

"I'm not sure where. The traveling agency said they were going to give me a call. Apparently since I want to tour both Europe and Asia over an eight month span they need to corradate flight plans or something." He said, he turning back to his suitcase and stuffed some more clothes in to it. It with a bit of a struggle but Alfred had the strength to make it happen. It clicked shut, a small metallic device emitting a strange light hopping across the handle as he did so.

Tony blinked at him unsure what to say, but took Alfred's newest actions in stride, sitting himself on the nearest couch. A plate of pizza floating itself over to his lap while the TV and Xbox switched on. The two pairs of controllers flying over in front of the alien and dropping gently into the sofa—a quiet invitation to play until Alfred had to go.

Alfred pushed suitcases over to the door before sitting on the couch, controller in his hand.

He had some time to kill.

XXxxxxxXX

Francis Bonnefoy was a man used to finding himself in strange situations.

More often than not, simply being Gilbert's and Antonio's friend put a person into weird situations. Late nights digging through the Channel looking for his clothes after a drinking session, being attacked by a mine in Germany, talking to an uptight German who was beyond help, being arrest for public indecency(though that was really his own fault)—the list went on and on, and sometimes got even weirder. Really weird.

But that wasn't the point.

On this bright Saturday morning, being friends with Gilbert and Antonio had nothing to do with it. In fact, the oddness was coming from a very unexpected place—his dear Mathieu. Though what exactly was this situation was Francis had no idea.

Ever since he'd pick up his cell phone, a rush of French and English was bleeding through the phone in a mixed up babble. Words like 'Alfred' and something like 'list' and 'invasion' were probably some of the few words he was barely able to pick up—

"…and then I called you." Matthew finished finally running out of stream.

Francis blinked sliding over a notepad and a pen as he glanced at his phone. Whatever problem this was, no doubt he was probably going to need to take notes. Lots of notes.

And probably find some aspirin.

He could already feel a headache coming on.

" I see…might you repeat yourself again _mon cher_? Perhaps slowly_, s'il vous plait_?"

"_Bien sûr_."

XXxxxxXX

S'il vous plait: French: please

Bien sur: French: Of course.

[1] Usually when you buy a map in Texas, unless you say you want a _**World **_Map, many times you will only get a map of the United States (which has a tiny bit of Mexico and Canada)—my guess for this is that unless you plan on going oversea you don't need a world map. Heck, even traveling for me is a little extravagant. Think about it. You don't need a passport to travel state to state, or a new language (unless you want to learn the local dialect), or a new currency. National parks, desserts, rock formations, casinos, giant landmarks, and tastes of culture from around the world can be found here so World Maps are really kind of rare if you're not an oversea business person, or a history major. Just thought I throw that out there…

Author's Note: Really more of a filler than anything else. But I wanted the reader's opinions before I went any further.

**Do the readers want me to do each country separately as a chapter, or would you like me to pair up some of them—say Finland and Sweden?**

Anyhow, please **Read** and **Review**—I need the information!


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